Deconstructing Jen

batter dipped and french fried

Put a fork in me I'm done. This single mom gig is for the frickin' birds.

Chris has been in L.A. for 9 days now and I just learned tonight that he has 4 more, potentially 5 more left (instead of 3) depending on when their shoot Friday wraps up.

I usually deal quite well. Take advantage of the opportunity to eat things he hates (particularly stir fried anything and cereal for dinner), turn the lights on when I get up at 5:00 am, park in the garage (well not this time, dang storm windows), hog the computer, watch chick flicks, etc..

Well, I'm over that stuff now and he's still not home. Not to mention that the majority of my social interaction is coming in the forms of conversations with a Evey, Ben and the population of my 7th and 8th grade classes. You need to know anything about High School Musical, Cinderella, Cars, who Suzie Smith went out with over the summer, or 1,001 excuses for being late to class now that we have a 4 minute passing period I've gotcha covered.

So in short, Chris...where ever you are eating sushi tonight...I miss you. I miss you forcing me to watch the Daily Show (even though I secretly like it) and Venture Bros. (which is really lost on me) and random YouTube videos, and eating breakfast outside as we duck and cover from that hornet that won't go away, and watching you play robotdoghorse with Evey, and legos with Ben, and even picking up your stinky socks all over the house.

And just so you know if you decide to go on any more 2 week business trips soon there better be tickets to DisneyWorld for 4 or a new Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi with a 50 mm lense and a 28 to 135 mm lense hidden somewhere in your itinerary. ;-)

Earl Grey, hot.

I'm nothing if not a Star Trek Next Generation geek.

Chris sent this too me from his two week long vacation work trip to L.A. Why isn't there cool junk like this where I live?

And this too...

Apparently as the 'director' of this photo shoot he's getting lots done. (I'm really teasing, he worked his butt off before he left. Now he gets to sit back and make sure everyone else does their job.)

public service announcement

So. I'll just preface this by saying that sometimes I can be a colossal idiot. Just FYI.

Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT chase Pepto chewable tablets with soda. Or this will happen in your mouth.

Yes, I know because it just happened to me. And if you had to take the stinking Pepto in the first place this does NOT help. And soda foam tastes nasty.

and so it begins

Today I got a call I dread. Every time my cell rings when I'm at school I hold my breath a little before I answer it. No one calls to just chat when I'm at school. If my cell rings it's an emergency. And today was no different.

12:35 I look at my phone. 1 missed call. Babysitter.

Crap.

I skip the voicemail and just call her back. Ben has a fever. Again. 102 this time, last week it was only 100. Crap.

I can't leave and thankfully Mom is home. (Thanks again, by the way.) Mom, pretty please can you go get my sick kid? Again.

Call the pediatricians office. Chat with the very nice appointment clerk that happens to know my voice and first name. (This is not a good thing, people, not a good thing.) Whew, a cancelation means they can get Ben in within the hour.

Oxygen level is 95. Not great. Not horrible. Thankfully it doesn't mean a trip to the hospital. We hang for a bit and I teach Ben all the names of the Star Wars characters that adorn the walls. After about 5 minutes he can easily identify Yoda and keeps giggling as he points to the crotch of the life sized Darth Vader wall cling.

In comes Dr. Y. If I haven't mentioned already, he rocks. He has his customary medical student with him. Yes, it's okay if she comes in. I know Ben is one of his favorite patients to show off when he has a medical student. He's got loads of good teaching fodder to go over. We play 20 questions for bit. I pass with flying colors. The med student, not so much. We chit chat and then get down to business.

He listens to his chest for an awfully long time. Long enough to make me nervous. I know better than to ask when he's listening but dang is it hard not to.

Pneumonia.

CRAP!

Mega antibiotics, more breathing treatments, call him at home if he gets worse. (See I TOLD you he was awesome.) Ben sits on his lap for awhile and hugs him when we leave.

School hasn't even started yet and it's starting. He's already getting sick. And the seed has been planted in my head. Am I doing the right thing by keeping my teaching job or am I doing the selfish thing? No one put that question on me, it just popped in my head about 2 hours ago. I want to work. I won't lie. I like it and I think it makes me a better mom. But is it hurting Ben? Would he be healthier if I stayed home with him? I really can't know the answers but it's bugging me tonight and I think I've got some soul searching ahead of me.

flying solo

Chris left this morning for a two week photography shoot in LA. The kids and I are going to be flying solo for a while. To ease the transition we spent a good portion of today out of the house at a local park and at Costco.

I don't know about you but there's something about a 3 pound bag of pistachios and economy sized peanut butter that just beckon to be purchased. Today we picked up footie jammies for Ben (because HELLO they were only $7.00 a pair), t.p. (really, I can't live in a house without 42 back up rolls of t.p.), Diet Dr. Pepper, 500 disinfecting wipes (we have toddlers) and Kleenex for my classroom (because oddly enough the school doesn't provide it and I don't like blowing my nose on the sandpaper we call paper towels) .

What did we do with the rest of the day? Well Chris's parents graciously provided us with sustenance at a local pizzeria and then we bribed the kids to an early bed time with ice cream and another trip to the park.

Here are some shots from the park, courtesy of my phone so the quality is a bit shady. Ben has discovered the slides and is a bit of a fiend for them now.

price gouging at the pharmacy

Today I made a trip to the pharmacy to pick up Ben's medication. In the past I hadn't really paid too much attention to how much those medications cost. He's currently on 5 different meds. One for his heart, one for his stomach, and three breathing medications.

Typically when I pick them up they are either $12.00 or $35.00 each depending on what I'm getting and I don't generally get them at the same time. On today's trip the pharmacy tech comes back and say that will be $107.00. $12.00, $35.00 and $60.00. Huh? $60? That got my attention so I asked the obvious question, why so much? "Oh, that one is usually $377.00. Your insurance saved you a lot." GUH! WHAT!

So on further inspection of the receipts from Ben's medications I discover this little notice. "Your insurance saved you $636.17 today." That was for one month worth of breathing medication, this did not include his heart medication or his stomach medication.

My immediate response was, "Holy shit! Thank God we have insurance." My next thought was, "Holy shit! What would we do if we didn't have insurance?" Ben's medications aren't optional, they aren't convenience items. They are critical to his growth and help. What if we couldn't afford them?

So then that got me thinking. I totaled it up. The monthly retail cost of his medications are more than both our car payments combined. Yep, that's right.

Next came the thought to figure out how much each one cost on a per dosage basis. Roughly $34.00 a day for his medications. For medications that are 98% water.

Why? Why does this happen? And how are the pharmaceutical companies getting away with this? I fully realize that science is expensive. I know that. And I have to fully acknowledge that my son would not have lived to be even 2 minutes old if it were not for the miracles brought to us by pharmaceutical companies (and there is not one drop of drama in that sentence - it is 100% the truth). But why are they ripping us off. I know my insurance company is NOT paying even close to the $1000 retail monthly price for Ben's medicine's. And even more astounding to me is the fact that the same pharmaceutical company that is charging the average person $374.00 for a one month supply of ONE asthma medication is GIVING it to my doctor's office for FREE. On the occasion that he can he turns around and gives it to ME for free because it EXPIRES before it gets used. I appreciate that I really do. But I think it's appalling that they have enough of this stuff sitting on shelves going bad because pharmaceutical companies are writing it off as an advertising expense and then turning around and jacking the end consumers cost up to astronomical prices.

I'm so very lucky. I have great insurance. And I have a husband with a fantastic job and it's probable that we could afford Ben's medicine if we didn't have insurance. But what about those that don't have that luxury? What happens to them? What would happen to Ben if we couldn't afford this medication?

I'm more than a little appalled at all these discoveries I've made today. And I'm very interested in all the information I can get about how to help change this system.

wordless wednesday #4

Wordless Wednesday

Goodbye Summer

In the great fun summer
There was a swimming pool
And a reading book
And a picture of

The the kids playing in the brook.
And there were three little girls sitting on towels

And two little boys
And a bunch of toys
And a little doll house
And a tired spouse

And some paint and a brush and a huge orange slush
And a sunburned mom whispering shush

Goodbye summer
Goodbye sprinkler
Goodbye kids playing in the brook
Goodbye bare feet and flip-flops
Goodbye girls
Goodbye towels

Goodbye boys and goodbye toys
Goodbye rocks and goodbye blocks

Goodbye doll house and goodbye spouse (NO! That's just how the story goes, silly!)
Goodbye paint and goodbye brush
And goodbye to the huge orange slush

Goodbye sleep
Goodbye lounge chair
Goodbye summer everywhere

So it's back to the grind stone tomorrow. Back to getting up at 5:00 am. Back to ironing clothes and going to bed at 10:00 pm. Back to countless meetings and phone calls and papers to grade. Back to calendars and planning and taking attendance.

I'm so very lucky to get my summers off but that doesn't make it any easier to start dropping my kids back off at the babysitter every morning when it's over. This was a good summer. I'm going to miss it.

(And for those without kids that poem is a big rip off big nod to Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown. Her's is WAY better, I just did the best I could in 20 minutes.)

dear jimmy johns...

dear jimmy johns,

I like to start my letter by congratulating you on making a darn fine looking tasty sandwich. Well done. You have done the impossible, you have gotten my husband to eat sub sandwiches again. A feat that I personally thought was impossible. So again, I say, well done.

Now on to what this letter was inevitably about. My complaint. Let me set the stage for you so you can fully appreciate the problem. One day I'm driving through the main street in my average little yuppy suburb of a fairly large mid-western city minding my own business when I see it. A sign of God. A Jimmy Johns sign is up and ON in one of the 1,246 strip malls in the urban spral that is my suburban town. In my slightly delirious and ecstatic state I phone my husband and exclaim "They built a JIMMY JOHN'S here!" "WHAT! You're kidding! We have to eat there for dinner tonight!" replies the man who NEVER wants to eat out.

5:45 pm rolls around and my husband calls asking where the new JJ's is again. I give him directions and tell him to surprise me with my dinner order. 5 minutes later I recieve a heart broken and earth shattering call. Jimmy John's isn't open yet. WHAT! The sign was on. There were people moving around inside. WHAT do you MEAN they aren't OPEN?

It would appear that in your haste to show the people of our fair town that you were building here you did things in a decidedly backward order. You see putting the sign up FIRST and then constructing the interior of the restaurant SECOND is a dasterly and cruel deed to those of us who enjoy instant sandwich gratification.

I wish this was the end of my sad tale but alas it is not. Two full months later I drive past your fair establishment to AGAIN be fooled into thinking you are open for business yet woefully, you are not. Why do you taunt me so, Jimmy John's? Why do you set your enticing JJ's sign out first before the building is ready? And please, I beg you. Open that dang store SOON.

Sincerely,
Jen, a girl who just wants a good sandwich (that someone else made)

Missing Grandpa

There are some days when being a mom sucker punches me and knocks me to my knees and makes me wonder how if I really have the stuff it takes to do this.

Today was one of those days.

Evey, Ben and I sat down for a nice quick breakfast this morning after Chris left for work.

Me: Evey, do you want Kix or a cereal bar?
Evey: Cereal bar and milk, please.
Me: Ben do you want Kix or a cereal bar?
Ben: Nama Ga I duoa nay. MLK! (meaning milk which he clearly says with no 'i')
Me: Alright, Kix and milk for you to, little man.
Evey: Mama, You know what? Sometimes Grandpa's get sick and go to the hospital and don't come home. That makes me sad.
Me: *has a heart attack* Yes, sweetie I did know that. It makes me sad too.
Evey: I miss Grandpa.
Me: *rapidly and not very conspicuously fighting the tears that I will not be able to hide* I miss Grandpa too, sweetie. What do you miss about him?
Evey: I miss taking walks, and picking up sticks, and playing play dough, and chasing each other around.
Me: Oh, sweetie, I know he misses doing those things with you too. He loved you very much.
Evey: I loved him too. Can Zoey come over today?

I'm not sure I'm equipped to deal with this.