I'm writing you today to discuss a new invention created in 1938. It's called sunscreen. Here's what Wikipedia has to say on the subject.
Sunscreen (also known as sunblock or suntan lotion1) is a lotion, spray or other topical product that absorbs or reflects the sun's ultraviolet (UV) radiation and protects the skin.
Wow! This is truly a miraculous discovery. Something to protect your skin from the sun. Radiation - that sounds kinda scary, definitely don't want to hang around that. Who would have thought that the brilliant scientists from the 1930's would come up with such a brilliant break through, a lotion or a spray even, that you just rub on and it does all this? And who would have thought it would have the added bonus of reducing wrinkles and skin cancer.
So, dearest Jen, I have a question to pose to you. Why for the love of God do you choose not to wear it? Or "forget" to apply it as you so frequently claim. I've seen you apply this amazing stuff to your children with particular zeal, even going above and beyond the required SPF (sun protection factor) when they go outside. Yet when you, say, mow the lawn in a tank top or swim at the neighborhood pool for 2.5 hours you forget to apply any protection to your face or shoulders.
My hope in writing this letter is to bring your attention to the finer points of using sunscreen and to hopefully help you "remember" to use it more diligently.
p.s Your nose asked me to tell you that it's also not a good idea to wear your sun glasses in the pool as it not only leaves an unsightly tan line but it also gets completely fried from all the reflecting going on.
p.p.s. Now go use some aloe vera. I don't wanna hear you complaining later about how much this hurts.